closure

i’ve determined that closure is a process…which, is kind of funny considering the finality of the word itself. seems like it should just “happen” and be done with. closed.

i’m finding that as life as i know it is winding down, and a new journey coming to fruition, closure is necessary, but maybe a little messy emotionally.

in my last post, i wrote about a big event that happened on tuesday (4-13). it was a wonderful night, and i felt really good about how everything was executed. so, the big question to me the next day was, “so, are you just SO relieved?”

i feel like i should answer ‘yes’. that is what people expect. but, honestly, my feeling isn’t so much relief. maybe it’s a little bit of that, but i also feel sad. i only have 11 1/2 days left in my job. i probably should be itching to leave and ready to start this adventure….but instead, i’m feeling nostalgic and hesitant to leave. perhaps the friendships i have made are deep, and it hurts to think there will be distance now replacing the usual dailiness of our relationships. perhaps i feel being ‘replaced’ makes my time there feel distant and unimportant. perhaps i struggle with a new role as ‘missionary’ in which i am not broken-in yet. perhaps i fear things outside my comfort zone, and this job was smack dab in the middle of it.

yes. it is all of those things.

i’m guessing this is all part of closure. and it is good to flesh through these feelings. please continue to pray for me in this season, as many things are quickly coming to a close. things that have filled my time, energy, emotions such as support raising, living with my 2 awesome roommates, my job….alot is “closing” in the next few weeks.

i can see purpose in this though, and i am excited about where i’m headed. it is necessary and good to have closure. i just didn’t realize it may kind of hurt a little. but, i press on–guatemala is calling and i am GOING!