this past week I visited my family in Tennessee. it was, as always, full of love, fun and laughter. some of my favorite memories of visiting my family include spending time with my sister’s 4 kiddos.

every trip, i am reminded of the simple joy (and sometimes humor) in speaking truth. this trip, my 3 year old nephew cracked me up when he commented on how i looked in some jeans i was trying on.

Me: Hayden, what do you think?

Hayden: Susu, doz (those) look wee-yud (weird).

Gotta love it.

But, you know what? I appreciated it, and actually agreed (and consequently did not purchase said jeans).

Hayden reminded me that there is something simply beautiful about approaching life as a child. Child-like faith is equally beautiful and simplistic. Kids Village at my church does an amazing job of communicating deep Truths about God in simple terms. So simple, you wonder how you ever forget them.

Two weeks ago, I was blessed to teach at Kids Village about patience. Turns out I’m pretty sure the lesson was more for me than for them.

God is wise: He KNOWS what is best

God is loving: He DOES what is best

God is generous: He GIVES what is best WHEN it is best

Patience=waiting, without complaining, even when things get hard.

Simple? Yes.

Beautiful? Eternally.

Easy to live out? Not a chance.

Possible? Only through His grace and mercy.

(ok, i’ll stop interviewing myself now ).

When I began my journey into full time missions, I knew I would learn alot….about the Lord…about missions…and also about myself. I knew that I’d be stretched and molded, but I wasn’t completely prepared to stare my sin smack dab in the face daily. I suppose that is how refinement works though. You can’t be molded without being changed. You can’t be changed without recoginizing the need for change. You can’t recognize the need for change until you take a hard look at your sin. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg on this topic.

One major struggle right now is fear. You name it, and I fear it….despite countless exhortations in Scripture NOT to fear. Journaling a few weeks ago, I quickly listed 20 specific fears about walking this road to Guatemala, all of which reveal deeper issues of trust, control and patience . I have, however, found tremendous encouragement through His Word and friends who have been praying for me.

Psalm 27 has given me particular encouragement:

 ¹The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

³Though an army encamp against me,  my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me,   yet I will be confident.

 ⁵For he will hide me in his shelter  in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;  he will lift me high upon a rock.

In the midst of actual danger, David was confident in the Lord and His provision. He was hidden in the Lord’s shelter. Why am I any different? As a child of God, my life is now hidden in Christ. I have nothing to fear.

You may be wondering about the title of this post. Well, in case you haven’t guessed it, we are finalizing my support goal right now for the  (at least) 14 monthsI will be on staff as a missionary of Great Commission Ministries on a team with The Village Church. While I don’t have an exact number right now, the range is, well, frightening.

I am confident that the Lord will gather a team of prayer and finanical supporters. He has not called me to this without the full assurance of His faithfulness. Would you please pray with me that God would be stirring the hearts of others to join me on the journey?

For any interested in beginning a financial gift, I would love to meet/talk with you personally, but if you are anxious to begin giving, you can visit www.mygcm.net and register as a donor to begin a recurring gift or give a special gift.

on thursday i got the word that i am officially a “provisional staff member” with great commission ministries.

so, what does this mean?

it means, that i am able to begin the process of building up a support team of people who will commit to supporting me throughout this journey through prayer, finances, time, references, hot cooked meals, massages, etc.  kidding about those last two…..sort of.

in reality, the Lord has really grown in me an excitement to begin this part of the journey. i look forward to asking people to join me in ministry to reach the nations for the renown and glory of Jesus Christ! of course, there are many other emotions mixed in, but mostly, i’m excited.

it is such a priviledge to be on this path….to get to be a missionary….to invite others to come along.

the Lord led me to study 2 Corinthians a few weeks ago. after spending time camped out there, it is no doubt why. the entire book is about exhorting the Corinthians to join Paul in ministry.

i am praying these verses over my future ministry team partners:

2 Corinthians 1:11,   2 Corinthians 9:10-15,   2 Corinthians 8:3-5

praising God already for what HE will do!

it’s been so unbelievably refreshing to have an actual sabbath for two saturdays in a row. sometimes life in america is a little too stressful and busy for me. sure, some of that is my own sinful nature of perfectionism and inability to let go, but also, it’s kind of bred here.

despite our culture, however, the Lord has called us to observe sabbath. to truly rest in the Lord. to sit. to process how He continues to refine and sanctify me. to soak in His nature. to enjoy fellowship. to just be.

in those moments of stillness, i am reminded of so much Truth that i have chosen to overlook throughout my busy week. in silence before the Lord, i can hear…but more importantly, i can listen.

it’s also in these moments that the Lord allows joy in my heart from simple things. maybe it’s a beautiful butterfly (ash ), or an uplifting conversation, or perhaps a glorious walk outside. or maybe, just maybe, it’s finding my way to an empty park with swings that beg me to take a ride.

i just couldn’t resist. swings just make me happy.

in the coming weeks/months, life will undoubtedly get crazy. with the start of my ministry team raising process and beginning the additional training to go overseas, it will be harder to “sabbath.” but, if i  have learned nothing else these two weeks, i have learned that it’s not going to be optional.

and, if anyone just really wants to donate a swing set to the elsby house, i wouldn’t hate that. just sayin.

these aren’t really revelations. i get that. but, this last week, I lived that title.

upon returning from orlando (see earlier post), i was hit with a lot of spiritual attack on my mind. satan was trying his best to break me down and convince me that moving to guatemala was going to be horrible. rude.  he was very, very sneaky (mr. deeds, anyone?)…and used fear to exacerbate any concerns that i even remotely considered.  rude.

enter an army of faithful pray-ers. awesome.

after processing through fears with family and friends, i can honestly say that within days, their prayers had completely renewed my heart. awesome. it was amazing to watch God work through the prayers of so many who I know were petitioning Him on my behalf, and the many i’m sure i do not know about.

thank you.

the journey continues—and i’m thankful to have you beside me, fighting.

satan won’t ever stop being rude, but praise the LORD that prayer will never stop being awesome.

training in orlando officially ended sunday afternoon, but i think, in many ways, the “training” process has just begun.

after 7 straight 13 hour days, i am wiped out. while the training we received was very good information, i left this week feeling drained. but, i suppose that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

the Lord showed me that in this process, the less of me there is, the better. i have felt emptied out this week—on my knees, recogizing my fear and sin, and finding myself completely reliant on the Lord.

i suppose it’s in our humble emptiness that we are truly able to be filled with the Spirit. so, here i am…desring to be an empty vessel for the Lord to use.  this really is a journey….

 sunday afternoon at 2:00 marked the official “start” to Great Commission Ministries (GCM) new staff training (though i’m not yet officially on staff yet). it’s amazing to think of how much i have learned, felt and experienced in such a short amount of time. let’s just say…God is good.

you might think that they’d ease us in to training, since most of us had early mornings and long travel journeys to Orlando. but, you would be wrong. we jumped right in with all things GCM—and it was really a good time! when we finished Sunday evening…around 10:00….i was really struggling with a lot of fear. not really fear about support raising, but just a general overwhelmed feeling with everything to do in the coming 10 months that The Village Church has outlined for training in addition to what we learned that night re: GCM ministry team development.

it was through a loving and godly friend that the Lord disciplined me in that moment to expose my fear and bring me to my knees. the Spirit showed up in might ways, and truly I left our prayer changed. Praise God…my fear has been cast out, and I can honestly say that I had nothing to do with it! HE IS GOOD!

today has been great. We learned about the biblical basis for raising up a ministry team of supporters, and then got into some practical steps re: “name-storming.” It was actually quite fun.

please continue to pray for me. I feel encouraged and excited, but the days are extremely long. Please pray for perseverance and endurance to stay alert and healthy throughout the week.

on an unrelated note…

SHOUT OUT-ok, so I have to brag a little about my big sister! her team took the USTA League championship for 3.0 women this weekend. AND…several times, her match determined whether their team would advance…including the final match of the championship (tie-breaker!). she’s a rockstar and I wanted everyone to know!

tomorrow morning our team is flying to orlando to begin a week-long training with GCM (great commissions ministries). this ministry will function as our “hr” arm, as well as equip us with training for support raising. this is also the ministry in which we will be officially employed while overseas.

our team met today for a great 2 hour meeting with Village mission pastors, matt elkins and jamie hipp. we were extremely encouraged by the meeting and simultaneously wide-eyed as we read went over the extensive training module throughout the year. it includes online seminars, books to read, sermons to listen to, etc., etc., etc.

it’s going to be really neat to see how God uses this to prepare us for ministry. in a future post, i will list all the neat things we will get to do as preparation! two words come to mind: buckle up!

we’d really appreciate your prayers this week as a team.

*team unity/bonding

*against any fears re: support raising

*time of equipping, and also rest

off to bed now….5:45 elsby departure time. (elsby is our house…)

more from orlando…

ok, ok…i’m caving. i held out entering the blog-o-sphere for many years, but alas, i have finally succumbed to the social pressure and started one of my own. it’s not that i’m against them at all…i just tend to like flying my freak flag in private, instead of letting the free world in on my random stream of consciousness.

i suppose i have a valid reason now.

you see, it’s been a pretty crazy couple of years regarding my life and the direction it is taking. since my first international mission trip to nicaragua in 2004, the Lord has been wooing me into full time missions. 5 mission trips and countless prayers later, i finally have a plan! and, for those who know me AT ALL, you know that i love a plan!

Lord willing, in august 2010, i will move to guatemala to pursue full time missions. i am joining a team of 3 other amazing women from my church, the village. we will be training informally until may/june and then begin full time training, before leaving in august. this blog will be a collection of things: thoughts on missions, thoughts on life, things God is teaching me through this process, joys and challenges about becoming a missionary, fears, prayer needs and everything else in between.

thanks for taking the journey with me.

here is the team headed to guate!